Dhamma Principles › Pressing Food on Someone to Catch Them Out: Kindness with a Trap
Pressing Food on Someone to Catch Them Out: Kindness with a Trap
Everyday life

Pressing Food on Someone to Catch Them Out: Kindness with a Trap

Jānaṃ āsādanāpekkho

A monk who had been admonished by his companion held a grudge. One day he pressed food on that companion after the companion had finished eating and declined more, and once he ate, accused him of an offence. The Buddha laid the offence on the one who set the trap, not on the one deceived.

7 points

In the Vinaya Piṭaka, Mahāvibhaṅga Part 2, Pācittiya section, Food Chapter, rule 5, a brahmin invited monks for a meal. Having eaten and refused more, the monks went to their relatives' houses, where some ate again and some took alms food away. When the brahmin invited his neighbours, saying he had satisfied the monks and would now satisfy them, they retorted: how could he satisfy them, when the monks he fed still came to their houses and ate again? The brahmin complained, and the Buddha made it an offence for a monk who has eaten and refused more to eat food that is not leftover. Later, when fine food left by sick monks was thrown away and crows cawed noisily over it, he allowed eating the leftovers of sick monks and food made "leftover" with the words "All this is enough."

Rule 6 tells of two monks travelling to Sāvatthī. One behaved improperly; the other said, "Don't do that, friend; it isn't allowable." The first bore a grudge. At Sāvatthī there was a meal for the Saṅgha, and the companion ate and refused more. The grudging monk fetched alms food from his relatives and pressed it on him, saying it was delicious. When he had eaten, the grudging monk turned on him: "You think I should be admonished, yet you yourself, having eaten and refused, eat food that isn't leftover!"

The Buddha laid down that a monk who knowingly, looking for a fault, offers food that is not leftover to a monk who has eaten and refused, saying, "Come, monk, eat," commits an offence once that monk has eaten. This is a monastic rule, but offering kindness in order to find fault with someone is a pattern found everywhere.

  1. 1

    Full, yet eating again elsewhere Bhuttāvī pavārito

    Monks who had eaten and declined, that is, refused when the donor offered more, went on to eat again at relatives' houses. The brahmin host was then taunted by his neighbours that he could not satisfy anyone. The recipients' conduct made the giver lose face in his community.

    Applying it in daily life

    When you've told your host you're full, don't go and eat elsewhere where they will hear that they couldn't feed you enough.

  2. 2

    "All this is enough" Alametaṃ sabbanti

    When monks brought fine alms food to sick monks who could not eat it, the food was thrown away and crows cawed noisily over it. The Buddha then allowed eating the leftovers of sick monks, and food another monk had made leftover by saying, "All this is enough." The rule was not meant to force good food to be thrown away.

    Applying it in daily life

    When you set rules about eating or using things, check whether the rule causes good things to be wasted.

  3. 3

    Admonished, and holding a grudge So tasmiṃ upanandhi

    The travelling companion told his friend not to do that, since it was not allowable. This was a proper admonition between companions, but the one admonished bore a grudge. Instead of correcting himself, he looked for a way to make his admonisher fall into fault too.

    Applying it in daily life

    When a warning leaves you resentful, first ask whether it is true. Don't turn the resentment into a plan for payback.

  4. 4

    Kindness as bait Sundaro āvuso piṇḍapāto

    The grudging monk brought alms food from his relatives and urged his companion to eat. The companion said, "Enough, friend, I'm full." He pressed him, "The alms food is delicious, eat." Once he had eaten, the grudging monk turned on him: "You think I should be admonished, yet you yourself eat food that isn't leftover." An offer that looked like kindness was a tool for catching him out.

    Applying it in daily life

    If you have ever urged someone to do something they had chosen to give up while secretly hoping they'd slip, stop urging and respect their choice.

  5. 5

    Arguing over who should have told and who should have asked Nanu āvuso ācikkhitabbanti

    The one deceived asked, "Shouldn't you have told me?" The one who set the trap replied, "Shouldn't you have asked?" Each pushed responsibility onto the other. But when the matter reached the Buddha, he judged by intention: the one who knew and meant to find fault committed the offence.

    Applying it in daily life

    In matters you are keeping a practice about, always ask before accepting. And if you know someone's limits, tell them plainly rather than waiting for them to slip.

  6. 6

    Looking for a fault means wanting to shame Iminā imaṃ codessāmi

    The word-analysis explains "looking for a fault" as thinking: with this I will accuse him, remind him, accuse him again, remind him again, and make him embarrassed. The one who offers commits a minor offence on offering and at each mouthful the other swallows, and the full offence when the other finishes eating. If he did not know the other had declined food, there is no offence.

    Applying it in daily life

    Notice your motive when you want to point out someone's fault. If part of it is wanting them to feel ashamed, set the matter aside first.

  7. 7

    Make it right first, then give Atirittaṃ kāretvā deti

    The no-offence clause lists: giving after having the food made leftover; giving while telling him to have it made leftover before eating; giving for him to take to another monk; and giving the leftovers of a sick monk. Offering food is not wrong when the giver also helps the receiver keep his practice.

    Applying it in daily life

    When hosting someone with dietary limits, for religious or health reasons, help them find what they can eat rather than urging them to break their rule.

Try it in daily life

The trap here involves no force at all, only tasty food and an invitation to eat. Yet the aim is to make the person who once admonished us slip up too, so they lose the right to speak. Modern life has similar patterns: urging a friend who has quit drinking to drink and then photographing it, pressing food on someone who is cutting down and teasing them later, or offering a shortcut to someone who once objected to a rule and keeping it as ammunition.

The Buddha placed the offence on the one who set the trap, not on the one deceived, because the heavier fault lies in the intention to shame someone. And the whole episode began with resentment at being admonished.

On the other side, if you know what practice you are keeping, learn to decline clearly. Don't be embarrassed to ask before accepting, and don't excuse yourself by blaming the other person for not telling you.

Sign in to keep track of what you have read

Sources in the Tipiṭaka

Tap to read the actual passage on the page cited.

Other principles worth reading

Log in to earn 40 merit points for reading this page