Dhamma Principles › The Discourse on Disciplinary Issues: Wanting Respect Without Letting Go
The Discourse on Disciplinary Issues: Wanting Respect Without Letting Go
Everyday life

The Discourse on Disciplinary Issues: Wanting Respect Without Letting Go

Aho vata maṃ sabrahmacārī sakkareyyuṃ

An ordinary horse wants the place and food of a thoroughbred, but people see its crookedness. A mendicant who stirs up disputes, is angry and doesn't want to train isn't respected however much he wishes it, while one who has let go of these things is respected without even wishing for it.

8 points

In the Adhikaraṇa Sutta, Chapter on Senior Mendicants, Book of Tens, Aṅguttara Nikāya, the Buddha, speaking with reference to the mendicant Kāḷaka, describes ten qualities that don't lead to being liked, respected, esteemed, to harmony and unity: for example, stirring up disciplinary issues and not praising their settlement, not wanting to train, having corrupt wishes, being irritable, denigrating others, being devious and deceitful.

Even if such a mendicant wishes, "Oh, may my spiritual companions honour, respect, esteem and venerate me," his wise companions don't, because they see the bad, unskillful qualities he hasn't given up. It is like a dull horse wishing to be given the place of a thoroughbred, while wise people see its deviousness, trickery, crookedness and deceit.

On the other side, a mendicant with the ten good qualities is respected by his companions even without wishing for it, just as a fine thoroughbred receives a thoroughbred's care without asking.

  1. 1

    An ordinary horse and a thoroughbred Bhaddassa assājānīyassa

    A dull horse wants the place, food and grooming of a thoroughbred, but people don't give them, because they see the trickery and crookedness it hasn't given up. A fine thoroughbred doesn't need to wish for them, yet people give them, because they see it has given those things up.

    Applying it in daily life

    Instead of thinking "Why doesn't anyone value me?", ask "What do others see in me that I don't yet see?"

  2. 2

    Not stirring up disputes, and supporting their settlement Adhikaraṇasamathassa vaṇṇavādī

    A mendicant who stirs up disciplinary issues and doesn't praise their settlement is not liked or respected. One who doesn't stir them up and praises their settlement is conducive to being liked, respected and to harmony.

    Applying it in daily life

    When conflict arises in a group, be the one who helps bring it to an end rather than adding fuel or taking sides.

  3. 3

    Wanting to train Sikkhākāmo hoti

    Being keen to train, and praising the undertaking of training.

    Applying it in daily life

    Stay open to advice and keep learning new things in your work, and appreciate colleagues who work at improving themselves.

  4. 4

    Having few wishes Appiccho hoti icchāvinayassa vaṇṇavādī

    A mendicant with corrupt wishes isn't respected. One who has few wishes and praises the removal of wishes is conducive to being liked and respected.

    Applying it in daily life

    Do good work without constantly seeking praise, position or privileges. People around you can usually tell who works for the task and who works for themselves.

  5. 5

    Not angry, not denigrating Akkodhano hoti kodhavinayassa vaṇṇavādī

    Being free of irritability and praising the removal of anger; not denigrating others' worth and praising the removal of denigration.

    Applying it in daily life

    When a colleague succeeds, acknowledge their skill sincerely, without saying things like "anyone could have done it".

  6. 6

    Not devious, not deceitful Amāyāvī hoti

    Not being devious and praising the removal of deviousness; not being deceitful and praising the removal of deceit. Crookedness and dishonesty are things the wise can see, just as people see the crookedness of the horse.

    Applying it in daily life

    Speak about your achievements and mistakes truthfully, without embellishing them or hiding what should be said.

  7. 7

    Attending to the teachings and knowing retreat Dhammānaṃ nisāmakajātiko

    Paying attention to the teachings and praising attention to the teachings; going on retreat and praising retreat.

    Applying it in daily life

    Set aside quiet time for yourself each day to review your mind. People who spend time with themselves tend to speak and decide more steadily.

  8. 8

    Welcoming companions warmly Sabrahmacārīnaṃ paṭisanthārako

    Being hospitable to one's spiritual companions, and praising hospitality.

    Applying it in daily life

    Greet newcomers at work or in your community first, ask after them and help them feel part of the group.

Try it in daily life

This discourse addresses a problem found everywhere, at work, in families and in communities: people who want respect but don't get it. Respect doesn't come from demanding it or from position, but from what the people around us see in us.

Notice that every quality has two parts: being that way oneself, and praising it. For example, not being angry and praising the removal of anger. Doing it yourself while supporting others to do it too builds both respect and harmony.

If you feel no one gives you credit, rather than blaming others, check yourself against these ten points first.

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