Dhamma Principles › The Nuns' Analysis: Don't Snatch Back, Don't Block What Is Shared, Don't Keep Generous Donors to Yourself
The Nuns' Analysis: Don't Snatch Back, Don't Block What Is Shared, Don't Keep Generous Donors to Yourself
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The Nuns' Analysis: Don't Snatch Back, Don't Block What Is Shared, Don't Keep Generous Donors to Yourself

Yaṃ tuyhaṃ tuyhamevetaṃ yaṃ mayhaṃ mayhamevetaṃ

Exchanging robes and then snatching one back, blocking the community's robe distribution to wait for one's own pupils, and keeping a generous family to oneself by warning of fierce dogs on the way — three stories of possessiveness that erode goodwill in a community.

7 points

The Bhikkhunīvibhaṅga, in volume 3 of the Vinaya Piṭaka, collects the training rules for nuns. Several origin stories concern sharing requisites in a common life. The lesson lies in possessiveness, which can arise in any family, dormitory or organisation.

In the first story, Thullanandā exchanged robes with another nun. Later she asked where the exchanged robe was and said, "What's yours is yours, what's mine is mine," and snatched it back. In the second, the community of nuns met to distribute robe-cloth that had arisen, but Thullanandā's pupils were away, so she blocked the distribution; once her pupils returned, she had it distributed.

In the third, a family fed a nun and asked that other nuns come too. Thinking, "How can I stop the others from coming?", she told the nuns that there were fierce dogs, a fierce bull and a slippery path there, and that they shouldn't go. When the family learned what had happened, they criticised the nun for being possessive of the family.

  1. 1

    Once exchanged, don't snatch it back Cīvaraṃ parivaṭṭetvā

    Thullanandā exchanged robes with another nun, then had the robe brought out and said, "This robe of yours is yours, that robe of mine is mine," and snatched it back. The rule analysis explains that the exchange means trading a poor robe for a good one or a good one for a poor one.

    Applying it in daily life

    Once you've swapped or agreed to divide something, don't come back to reclaim it because you've just realised the other person's share is better.

  2. 2

    What is snatched must be relinquished Nissajjitabbaṃ saṅghassa vā gaṇassa vā ekabhikkhuniyā vā

    This rule entails forfeiture and confession. The snatched robe must be relinquished to the community, a group or a single nun, and then the offence confessed. What is obtained by snatching does not become one's own as hoped.

    Applying it in daily life

    If you have ever taken back something already given or exchanged, consider returning it or apologising plainly.

  3. 3

    Blocking a shared distribution for one's own side Dhammikaṃ cīvaravibhaṅgaṃ paṭibāhissati

    The community of nuns met to distribute out-of-season robe-cloth. Thullanandā blocked it, saying some nuns were away, but in fact she was waiting for her own pupils. When they returned, she had it distributed. The nuns criticised her for obstructing a legitimate distribution.

    Applying it in daily life

    In a meeting to divide a budget or benefits, if you ask for a delay, give the real reason. Don't use a pretext to wait until your side has the advantage.

  4. 4

    A legitimate distribution is done together Dhammiko nāma cīvaravibhaṅgo samaggo bhikkhunīsaṅgho sannipatitvā bhājeti

    The rule analysis explains that a legitimate robe distribution is one where the community of nuns meets in unity and distributes it. The standard is the shared process, not one person's satisfaction.

    Applying it in daily life

    If you're unhappy with a division everyone agreed on, propose changing the rules next time rather than blocking this outcome.

  5. 5

    Keeping a generous family to oneself Kulamaccharinī assa

    A family fed one nun and asked that others come too, but she told the nuns there were fierce dogs, a fierce bull and a slippery path, so they shouldn't go. When the family asked another nun why nuns rarely came and learned what had happened, they criticised the nun for being possessive of the family.

    Applying it in daily life

    When you know a good client, sponsor or source of work, introduce your colleagues too. Don't keep it to yourself.

  6. 6

    Speaking ill to keep others away Kulassa avaṇṇaṃ bhāsati

    The rule analysis explains that being possessive of a family means thinking, "How can the other nuns be kept from coming?", and then speaking ill of the family to the nuns, or of the nuns to the family. Stinginess shows itself in speech that drives both sides apart.

    Applying it in daily life

    Notice whether you have ever spoken badly of a manager, client or friend to keep others from getting close to them. If so, stop.

  7. 7

    Warning of real danger is not stinginess Na maccharāyantī santaṃyeva ādīnavaṃ ācikkhati

    The exception states that a nun who is not possessive and points out a danger that really exists commits no offence. A truthful warning differs from inventing stories to keep others away.

    Applying it in daily life

    If a place really has a problem, say so — but only what you actually know, without adding to it to make others back off.

Try it in daily life

The possessiveness in these stories isn't as serious as theft, but it slowly erodes trust in a group. Asking for back what was already exchanged, blocking shared resources for one's own side, and keeping others away from a good source are things found at work and in large families.

The Vinaya clearly separates possessiveness from caution. Pointing out a danger that really exists is not stinginess; the problem is inventing stories to keep others away.

A simple principle: shared things are decided by everyone together, what has been given or exchanged is settled, and generous people belong to no one person.

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