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Everyday life
The Discourse on Wives: Seven Kinds of Life Partner
Bhariyāsuttaṃ
The Buddha tells Sujātā, a daughter-in-law in Anāthapiṇḍika's house, that there are seven kinds of wife: like a killer, a thief, a master, a mother, a sister, a friend and a servant. Then he asks which one she is.
7 points
In the Bhariyā Sutta of the Sattaka Nipāta of the Aṅguttara Nikāya, the Buddha goes one morning to the house of the householder Anāthapiṇḍika and hears the household making a great din. He asks why they are as noisy as fishermen fighting over a catch. Anāthapiṇḍika explains that his daughter-in-law Sujātā, brought from a wealthy family, does not obey her mother-in-law, father-in-law or husband, and does not even respect the Buddha.
The Buddha calls Sujātā over and asks her: there are seven kinds of wife — like a killer, a thief, a master, a mother, a sister, a friend and a servant. Which are you? She says she does not understand in detail, so he explains each kind in verse.
At the end of the verses he says the first three are immoral, harsh and disrespectful, and go to hell at death, while the last four are grounded in virtue, long restrained, and go to a good destination. Sujātā says that from that day on he should remember her as a wife like a servant.
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1
Like a killer Vadhakā ca bhariyā
Her mind is hostile, she does not wish her husband well, she delights in other men, despises her husband, and tries to take his life. This kind destroys a relationship completely.
Applying it in daily lifeIf you notice you only want to win or want your partner to hurt, stop and ask whether you truly still want to live together, and talk honestly or seek counselling.
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2
Like a thief Corā ca bhariyā
Whatever wealth the husband earns through craft, trade or farming, even if it is little, she wants to siphon it off. It is a betrayal of trust over money.
Applying it in daily lifePartners should be open with each other about money — no secret spending, secret loans or secret transfers. Financial secrets erode trust very quickly.
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3
Like a master Ayyā ca bhariyā
She has no interest in work, is lazy and gluttonous, harsh-tongued and coarse, and dominates her hard-working husband, acting as the boss of the house.
Applying it in daily lifeNotice your tone when you give instructions or complain at home. If it sounds like a boss ordering staff, turn it into a request for help and pitch in with the housework yourself.
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4
Like a mother Mātā ca bhariyā
She always wishes him well and helps him, looks after her husband as a mother looks after her child, and safeguards the wealth he earns.
Applying it in daily lifeThis kind of care shows in small things — reminding each other about health, planning savings together — without controlling the other person until they feel smothered.
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5
Like a sister Bhaginī ca bhariyā
She respects her husband as a younger sister respects an elder, has a sense of shame about wrongdoing, and goes along with her husband's wishes.
Applying it in daily lifeRespect between partners means honouring each other's views, never belittling them in front of others, and being ashamed to do what would hurt them.
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6
Like a friend Sakhī ca bhariyā
She is delighted to see her husband, like a friend seeing a companion return after a long time away. She is of good family, virtuous and devoted to him.
Applying it in daily lifeGreet each other gladly when you come home, put the phone down and catch up for a while. Friendship keeps a marriage from drying out.
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7
Like a servant Dāsī ca bhariyā
Even when threatened or beaten by her husband she does not get angry or wish him harm in return; she endures and goes along with him. Sujātā chose to be this kind, and the discourse places it among those grounded in virtue.
Applying it in daily lifeWhat is worth taking from this is not holding on to anger over ordinary friction, not tolerating violence. No one should have to accept physical or emotional abuse.
Try it in daily life
The discourse speaks to wives in the setting of ancient Indian society, but its core applies to partners of any gender: a relationship is wrecked by ill will, cheating over money and domineering speech, and lasts through care, respect, friendship and not holding on to anger.
Use it as a mirror for yourself rather than a yardstick for your partner. The Buddha did not rebuke Sujātā in front of others; he asked her a question and let her choose.
A caution: the servant-like wife in the verses endures even being beaten. This reflects the society of that time and is not advice to put up with domestic violence. If you are in a relationship where you are being harmed, look after your safety first and seek help from people you trust or from the relevant services.
Sources in the Tipiṭaka
Tap to read the actual passage on the page cited.
- Bhariyā Sutta (Abyākata Vagga, Sattaka Nipāta) Thai Royal Edition · Volume 23 · page 61 Sujātā and the seven kinds of wife
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